Big question, Christine. This piece is so enjoyable in so many ways--the "what ifs" stack up throughout it, and I love how you leave a bit of mystery hanging while you fold in some intriguing history. Thanks for sharing it. I'll ponder this question. Not sure I can get my arms around it just yet.
Began leaving a comment, then was sent away from this site, now cannot access what I originally wrote. I believe I was saying that whenever I discover you have written anything anywhere, can’t help but read it, as I’m a faithful follower of your writing that borders on an addiction! Perhaps it’s because I find so many parallels in our lives, i.e., the alcoholic father, the siblings who’ve become fundamentalist Jesus freaks, the co-dependency with my own smart, sane mother, despite all, the wanting to be a teacher, then becoming a yoga teacher, the realization of my dream when living in Manhattan to know what it feels like to be rich there through my Goldman Sachs niece, who’s bent on sharing her largesse with family members! All of it has been my experience in my dotage! Thanks for the questions, Christine‼️
Thank you for this piece - you're the only person I know who actually lived at the Barbizon! Many people take a very winding road to where they end up in life, though the kind of advice often given to the young about goals, focus, etc., seldom seems to acknowledge that. (I majored in political science – it was the 60's - how did I become a Spanish professor?).
What you wrote reminds me of this piece I just read by the novelist Rachel Kushner, who also (at a later date) attended UC Berkeley:
She recently gave the commencement speech there, having gotten, as she reports, a "B" in English as a freshman and then choosing a different major. And she spent some time wandering in the wilderness after college before figuring out that she could become a writer.
Brava for eventually finding your lawyer-teacher-poet self!
I so enjoyed reading that. I admire the fact that you wrote about the personal, so plainly and humbly. I hope you'll write more about your mother, her situation and that co-dependency you mentioned. The detail about playing Scrabble and not talking about the necessary, I found piercing.
I loved reading this, Christine. Because you write with no flab at all, but you draw sympathy, so we're rooting for you. Because I was brought up, not in the JWs, but in full-freak Evangelicalism, which meant my parents made their choices according to what the Lord was telling them to do, and something generally and unaccountably went wrong. Because in 1967 I was doing what I had made up my mind to do, starting as an English freshman at Oxford. (The Lord wasn't backing me with funds of any kind, just like He never backed my family either). And because alternate lives are what (I suspect) we all spend some part of our lives preoccupied with, one way or another.
My alternate life right now is to finish rescuing a very bad novel I wrote (and published to a not-even-resounding flop) forty years ago, and that I thought/think has something in it. And will serialize on my surely-soon-to-be-launched Substack.
Trouble with following Story Club is that I keep seeing why I need to revise, revise, and revise again... ;)
Thanks John. I see you are a kindred spirit. Don't get me started on what the lord says to do. Good luck with your novel and your substack. I'll subscribe!
An entertaining, lively, and thoughtful piece, Christine. I enjoyed learning about your longing for a professional foothold in the world. And you triumphed! With bells on! I also appreciated your introduction to Rakoff. Reading of her Salinger connection, I thought immediately of Joyce Maynard's account of her strange and ultimately disturbing affair with Salinger in At Home in the World. What was it about that guy? (Fun fact: My partner had a phone dating relationship with Maynard years after she published that book. They never dated in person!)
Christine, congratulations on working through a lot to be doing what you always wanted to do.
There are too many alternative lives to count! Every major life decision—taking a job, moving, getting married, or not—generates its own new alternative (what if I‘d done this instead of that…?).
Glad you ended up right here writing these very entertaining pieces! Vivian Shipley
"what a long strange trip it's been."
Oh. So true. Thanks for reading.
Big question, Christine. This piece is so enjoyable in so many ways--the "what ifs" stack up throughout it, and I love how you leave a bit of mystery hanging while you fold in some intriguing history. Thanks for sharing it. I'll ponder this question. Not sure I can get my arms around it just yet.
Began leaving a comment, then was sent away from this site, now cannot access what I originally wrote. I believe I was saying that whenever I discover you have written anything anywhere, can’t help but read it, as I’m a faithful follower of your writing that borders on an addiction! Perhaps it’s because I find so many parallels in our lives, i.e., the alcoholic father, the siblings who’ve become fundamentalist Jesus freaks, the co-dependency with my own smart, sane mother, despite all, the wanting to be a teacher, then becoming a yoga teacher, the realization of my dream when living in Manhattan to know what it feels like to be rich there through my Goldman Sachs niece, who’s bent on sharing her largesse with family members! All of it has been my experience in my dotage! Thanks for the questions, Christine‼️
Thank you for this piece - you're the only person I know who actually lived at the Barbizon! Many people take a very winding road to where they end up in life, though the kind of advice often given to the young about goals, focus, etc., seldom seems to acknowledge that. (I majored in political science – it was the 60's - how did I become a Spanish professor?).
What you wrote reminds me of this piece I just read by the novelist Rachel Kushner, who also (at a later date) attended UC Berkeley:
https://www.nytimes.com/2025/06/30/opinion/rachel-kushner-berkeley.html
She recently gave the commencement speech there, having gotten, as she reports, a "B" in English as a freshman and then choosing a different major. And she spent some time wandering in the wilderness after college before figuring out that she could become a writer.
Brava for eventually finding your lawyer-teacher-poet self!
Thanks for your comments. I’ll check out the Kushner piece.
I so enjoyed reading that. I admire the fact that you wrote about the personal, so plainly and humbly. I hope you'll write more about your mother, her situation and that co-dependency you mentioned. The detail about playing Scrabble and not talking about the necessary, I found piercing.
Thank you Candi. I try to weave my life stories into books I've read. I have an entire manuscript about my life in and out of the Witnesses.
I loved reading this, Christine. Because you write with no flab at all, but you draw sympathy, so we're rooting for you. Because I was brought up, not in the JWs, but in full-freak Evangelicalism, which meant my parents made their choices according to what the Lord was telling them to do, and something generally and unaccountably went wrong. Because in 1967 I was doing what I had made up my mind to do, starting as an English freshman at Oxford. (The Lord wasn't backing me with funds of any kind, just like He never backed my family either). And because alternate lives are what (I suspect) we all spend some part of our lives preoccupied with, one way or another.
My alternate life right now is to finish rescuing a very bad novel I wrote (and published to a not-even-resounding flop) forty years ago, and that I thought/think has something in it. And will serialize on my surely-soon-to-be-launched Substack.
Trouble with following Story Club is that I keep seeing why I need to revise, revise, and revise again... ;)
Thanks John. I see you are a kindred spirit. Don't get me started on what the lord says to do. Good luck with your novel and your substack. I'll subscribe!
"I was attracted to being special."
I see 'my truths' in much of what you write.
I thought you might notice that line!
An entertaining, lively, and thoughtful piece, Christine. I enjoyed learning about your longing for a professional foothold in the world. And you triumphed! With bells on! I also appreciated your introduction to Rakoff. Reading of her Salinger connection, I thought immediately of Joyce Maynard's account of her strange and ultimately disturbing affair with Salinger in At Home in the World. What was it about that guy? (Fun fact: My partner had a phone dating relationship with Maynard years after she published that book. They never dated in person!)
Anyhow, thanks for a good read, as always.
He definitely attracted followers!
Christine, congratulations on working through a lot to be doing what you always wanted to do.
There are too many alternative lives to count! Every major life decision—taking a job, moving, getting married, or not—generates its own new alternative (what if I‘d done this instead of that…?).
All those lives were the topic of The Midnight Library, which I liked much more than his latest.